A Week of Revising

This week in Writing 39C, we were assigned to research and annotate 3 credible sources that explains the issue that we are advocating for. Using the 3 sources, we were to write 3 pages addressing the problem. Building off of my HCP, I decided to research and write about the problem of chemical pollutants and it's effects on marine life and biodiversity. Using a research about how the chemical, alkyphenols, threatens lobster growth and population, I connected my HCP to the greater issue of human caused chemical pollution that I wanted to advocate for. After writing the 3 pages, we were to combine it with our HCP to create an AP draft that we have so far.

Looking at my the final draft of the HCP and the three pages I've written so far on chemical pollution, I had already completed most of the requirements for the first AP draft. For the most part, I just had to reorganize parts of my paper to fit the requirements and remove irrelevant parts. For example, in my HCP, I included a section about the olfactory organ in lobsters, about how it is damaged, it's structure, and how it regrows. This section was initially intended to aid the reader's comprehension of the studies I planned on reviewing. I realized that I could use this section of my HCP along with the beginning and ending portions of my HCP's introduction to create an introduction page for my AP. Description and facts about lobsters would inform my readers about the topic I am writing about and provide background for the studies I am reviewing. The last portion of my HCP's introduction will provide insight about the problem I am advocating for.

As previously indicated, I decided to modify my HCP's introduction to create the introduction of my AP. This would mean that I would also have to remove or move certain parts of the introduction that relates to my HCP. I decided to remove the section of my introduction pertaining to the order of literature that I will be reviewing to create a new introductory paragraph, introducing the literature review portion of my AP.

In addition to reorganization, I also removed certain parts of my HCP that I felt was irrelevant to the AP. For example, I removed the entire paragraph the pattern lobsters regenerate their olfactory tissues and how it compares to vertebrate animals. This is mainly because I felt that this fact/information did not relate at all to any of the studies I reviewed nor does it relate to the problem that I am advocating. In addition, removing this section helps me reach the 10 page maximum page limit that I'm struggling to fulfill.

These are just some of the changes I've implemented so far for my AP draft. Due to a hectic weekend, poor time management skills on my part, and inevitable procrastination (oops), I haven't had the chance to fully revise my draft. My goal for future revisions would be to fully reread this draft, looking for parts of the paper I could remove to make my paper shorter. I'm currently slightly over the 10 page limit and I feel like I should reduce it even more. I'm just worried that by removing certain parts of my paper, parts that I think make sense, because I did the research, wouldn't make sense to a new reader.

In addition to rereading, I also plan on revising this draft by applying the comments and suggestions made by Dr. Haas on my final HCP draft. An example of what I would do is to find research that shows that lobster research has medical implications rather than just me stating it. I need to find research that links lobster knowledge to improving human health and medicine. This will not only give my readers a reason to read my paper, but it will create a stronger link to my AP and make my argument more persuasive because of its significance.

Finally, after applying all my changes, I would reread the draft again, looking for grammatical and sentence errors. I would apply the semicolon knowledge that I learned through the connect assignments to fix any run on sentences I may have and to improve the structure of my sentences.